You don’t have to people please your way into a life you don’t love.

Hi Gorgeous,

I’d like to start today by talking a bit about people-pleasing.

If you asked most of the women in my life how they are the answer would be “fine” or “great!”, not because that’s the honest truth, but because that answer makes people around them the most comfortable.

We’re really good at that shit; making other people comfortable. Even when they really shouldn’t be comfortable. Even when they’re being kinda terrible and deserve to sit in their discomfort. Instead of letting anyone feel even a little bit bad, we grit our teeth through our forced smiles. We were brought up to prioritize the comfort and ego of everyone in the room before our own, so that’s what we do.

We add smiley faces to emails to our direct reports because we don’t want to come off as “bitchy” when we ask Karen to simply do her job.

We say sorry constantly, as though we’re not just apologizing for bumping into you, but for having the audacity to take up space at all.

We temper our language, making our assertions sound like questions, and our knowledge sound negotiable.

No, honey, this all is not fine.

Here’s the truth:

You don’t have to negotiate your knowledge. You are smart, and capable, and your contributions are worthy.
You don’t have to apologize for the space you take up in this world. You deserve to be here.
You don’t have to debate your experiences. You lived them, they are yours.
You don’t have to make him comfortable. You deserve to feel comfortable.
You don’t have to people please your way into a life you don’t love.

You, my dear, have nothing to be sorry for. It’s a word we need less of. Scan your emails for it, and delete it. Do something awful? Say sorry. Have an idea? Say you have an idea, don’t apologize for having a brain that works. This week we’re scrubbing our apologies, and people-pleasing our damn selves.

Something to make you think
The problem with (literally) dining in a bubble

Something to make you think (and laugh)
The Lucas Brothers spend a night at the white museum. It’s almost like these white supremacists aren’t superior at all? Yep, that checks out.

Something to make you laugh
Aparna Nancherla’s therapist raised her rates.

Something for a soulful jam
Rachel Horter is going to be huge, give her a hot sec.

Something to bow down to
Beychella is coming to Netflix, plan that party now.

Thank you for coming to the campfire today, I hope to see you again next week for our little chat. Maybe bring some new friends by, I’d love to meet them. I’ll keep writing this little letter as long as you wonderful people keep showing up. Have a beautiful day.

Love,
Sarah

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